seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dick very happy bro
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
