so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
