Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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