I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he fucked my hip out of place.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
