Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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