Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize