Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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