Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
