shes about as inviting as chlamydia
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
