wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
