and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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