I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
