Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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