We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i came on her dog
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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