you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
