I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
