we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
