Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
