After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
