Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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