She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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