Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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