D3 body, D1 cock
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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