We're like a lot better than the average bears
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
