batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
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