Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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