And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
