My friends, they love my intelligence
wrigley field is MILF paradise
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
