I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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