Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
