hotel room ftw
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
