What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize