The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
