So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
