Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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