I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize