WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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