pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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