that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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