U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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