Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
