if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
