Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
