dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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