i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sponge bath it is.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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