We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
