She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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