dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
