I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
