If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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