Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
