Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
