I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
