New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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