i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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