he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
