Taylor Swift is so right about you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
