that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
