You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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