Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
