dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize