I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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