Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
