im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My ass is underappreciated
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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