i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
