I am puke
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
