I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
