they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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