I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
