i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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