Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
