Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
