What did I eat last night that was bloody?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Two words: blizzard sex
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
