He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
