He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
