My first STD was from a foam party
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
