shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
