i don't like sucking hair
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
