I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
