seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
