i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
wow bdsm is so cute
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
