Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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