naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
