Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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