During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
