The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
