hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
