The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i was born a porn star she said
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
the day after is always just damage control
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
