You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
