i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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