Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
