How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
