i may or may not be watching the land before time
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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