that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize