I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
