your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
