we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
