this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
