This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
