Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
