I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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