Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
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